Personal Revelations
Apr. 1st, 2016 12:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
diplomaticenchanterAmira quickly followed Alistair out of the house, worrying at her lip. When Alistiar had asked her if they could make a side trip to visit his sister she’d been eager to agree. Alistair had seemed so happy in his fade nightmare, surrounded by family, and it had killed her to have to take that away from him. If she could give him at least a small bit of that back, the detour would be well worth their time; it wasn’t even much of a detour, they would alredy be in Denerim to see Brother Genitivi after all.
She wondered now if it would have been kinder to deny him.
Alistair stopped abrubtly, and Amira nearly ran into him. He ran a shaking hand through his hair as he turned to look at her, but she wasn’t entirely sure he was actually seeing her at the moment. “This is the family I’ve been wondering abour all my life? That shrew is my sister? I can’t believe it. I… I guess I was expecting her to accept me without question. Isn’t that what family is supposed to do? I… I feel like a complete idiot.” If he was an idiot then so was she. It had never even occured to her that Goldana might reject him. Maybe that was naive of her, but it wasn’t as if she could boast much expereince with blood family either. She only had the haziest of memeories left of her mother, but what she did remember was warm, and loving, even in the darkness of the Alienage. Her mother had been so proud when she turned out to have magic, even as others in the alienage shied away from her. She thought of the blue ribbon her mother had tied in her the day she left for the Circle, of how it had once adorned her mother's hair on her wedding day, a gift from Amira's father. A gift to remind her of where she came from. No, Alistair wasn't a fool, family was suppose to love you no matter what, they'd both just forgotten that blood didn't always mean family.
“You don’t need her.” Amira told him fiercly, reaching out to lay a hand on his arm. If Goldana couldn’t see how lucky she was to have a brother like Alistair, one who’d tried his absolute best to find her just to know her, who would have loved her so fiercly and unconditionally then she was the fool, not Alistair. “You have other people who care for you.”
Alistair laughed mirthlessly, and it was hard not flinch from the sound. “Such as? The only person who ever cared about me was Duncan and he’s gone.” It killed her how sure he was of that, and suddenly she wanted to march back to Redcliff to give Lady Isolde a piece of her mind. She wanted to wake Arl Eamon up just to yell at him for letting Alistair grow up feeling so alone. It seemed utterly incomprehible to her that anyone could know someone so genuiely good and kind as Alistiar and not care about him.
“I care about you.” There was an edge to her voice she didn’t expect, something desperate and raw that begged him to believe her because the look in Alistair’s eyes was breaking her heart. She wanted to tell him that he was the sweetest person she’d ever known, that he was the reason she’d been able to make it this far. She wanted to tell him he was brave and kind and somehow managed to make her laugh even as the world was falling apart around them. She wanted to storm back into that house and destory that woman for daring to be the latest in a long line of awful people who made Alistair feel like he wasn’t worthy of a family’s love. She wanted, she wanted– oh.
Oh.
With a sudden startled clarity Amira realized she might care more deeply than she’d realized. She migh have cared in a very specific manner in fact. Oh Maker this could be trouble.
“I…” Alistair seemed almost as at a loss for words as she suddenly felt, and she prayed she hadn’t given herself away. Maker please, this was not the time to even be contemplating her newly realized romantic feelings, not when Alistair was this vunerable and out of sorts. Right now what he needed was her support and her friendship, not the complications that would inevitably come from all this. With her hand still on his arm, Amira felt as he finally seemed to relax a bit, some of the tension ebbing away. “Thank you.” he finally settled on, sounding a bit choked up, and Amira wondered if Alistair would be uncomfortable if she hugged him. He looked like he needed a good hug. “I’m glad you came with me.” Maker’s breath she’d almost forgotten that she’d nearly insisted he go alone. She’d been worried about intruding on a special family moment; the irony now wasn’t lost on her. “Let’s just go.” Alistair said before she could think of anything else to say. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” Amira merely nodded, and had to almost jog to keep up with his pace. She didn’t bother to tell him slow down this time; she wanted to be away from this place too, as fast as possible.
She wondered now if it would have been kinder to deny him.
Alistair stopped abrubtly, and Amira nearly ran into him. He ran a shaking hand through his hair as he turned to look at her, but she wasn’t entirely sure he was actually seeing her at the moment. “This is the family I’ve been wondering abour all my life? That shrew is my sister? I can’t believe it. I… I guess I was expecting her to accept me without question. Isn’t that what family is supposed to do? I… I feel like a complete idiot.” If he was an idiot then so was she. It had never even occured to her that Goldana might reject him. Maybe that was naive of her, but it wasn’t as if she could boast much expereince with blood family either. She only had the haziest of memeories left of her mother, but what she did remember was warm, and loving, even in the darkness of the Alienage. Her mother had been so proud when she turned out to have magic, even as others in the alienage shied away from her. She thought of the blue ribbon her mother had tied in her the day she left for the Circle, of how it had once adorned her mother's hair on her wedding day, a gift from Amira's father. A gift to remind her of where she came from. No, Alistair wasn't a fool, family was suppose to love you no matter what, they'd both just forgotten that blood didn't always mean family.
“You don’t need her.” Amira told him fiercly, reaching out to lay a hand on his arm. If Goldana couldn’t see how lucky she was to have a brother like Alistair, one who’d tried his absolute best to find her just to know her, who would have loved her so fiercly and unconditionally then she was the fool, not Alistair. “You have other people who care for you.”
Alistair laughed mirthlessly, and it was hard not flinch from the sound. “Such as? The only person who ever cared about me was Duncan and he’s gone.” It killed her how sure he was of that, and suddenly she wanted to march back to Redcliff to give Lady Isolde a piece of her mind. She wanted to wake Arl Eamon up just to yell at him for letting Alistair grow up feeling so alone. It seemed utterly incomprehible to her that anyone could know someone so genuiely good and kind as Alistiar and not care about him.
“I care about you.” There was an edge to her voice she didn’t expect, something desperate and raw that begged him to believe her because the look in Alistair’s eyes was breaking her heart. She wanted to tell him that he was the sweetest person she’d ever known, that he was the reason she’d been able to make it this far. She wanted to tell him he was brave and kind and somehow managed to make her laugh even as the world was falling apart around them. She wanted to storm back into that house and destory that woman for daring to be the latest in a long line of awful people who made Alistair feel like he wasn’t worthy of a family’s love. She wanted, she wanted– oh.
Oh.
With a sudden startled clarity Amira realized she might care more deeply than she’d realized. She migh have cared in a very specific manner in fact. Oh Maker this could be trouble.
“I…” Alistair seemed almost as at a loss for words as she suddenly felt, and she prayed she hadn’t given herself away. Maker please, this was not the time to even be contemplating her newly realized romantic feelings, not when Alistair was this vunerable and out of sorts. Right now what he needed was her support and her friendship, not the complications that would inevitably come from all this. With her hand still on his arm, Amira felt as he finally seemed to relax a bit, some of the tension ebbing away. “Thank you.” he finally settled on, sounding a bit choked up, and Amira wondered if Alistair would be uncomfortable if she hugged him. He looked like he needed a good hug. “I’m glad you came with me.” Maker’s breath she’d almost forgotten that she’d nearly insisted he go alone. She’d been worried about intruding on a special family moment; the irony now wasn’t lost on her. “Let’s just go.” Alistair said before she could think of anything else to say. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” Amira merely nodded, and had to almost jog to keep up with his pace. She didn’t bother to tell him slow down this time; she wanted to be away from this place too, as fast as possible.
