Amira cooed at the little girl in her arms as she ran fascinated hands along Amira’s ears. The pointed tips seemed to be an endless source of wonder for the toddler; Amira tried not to wince as Rosie pulled on her hair for leverage.
“Alright Rosie Posie,” Jowan laughed, plucking the giggling child from her arms, gently untangling grasping fingers with practiced ease “time to give Auntie her ears back. She needs those.” Jowan smiled, kissing his daughter on her forehead before settling her on his hip. “Thanks for making it out here ‘Mira. I know how busy the Wardens keep you. It means a lot that you make the time.”
“Well how else am I supposed to properly spoil my goddaughter?” Amira said with a grin, absentmindedly fixing the section of hair Rosie had been pulling at. There was an easy peace to Jowan here that he had never had in the Circle, and it made Amira happier than she could express to see. The feeling that she was forgetting something niggled at the back of her mind though, and she rubbed her forehead as if to dismiss a headache.
“Something wrong?” Jowan asked in concern.
“Just..feeling off?” She said slowly, wrinkling her nose. “As if I’m forgetting something… Something to do with the Wardens? Maybe?” She felt strange. She hoped she wasn’t coming down with something; she’d hate to pass it on to Rosie. Children were so susceptible to illness at that age… How old was Rosie exactly? She should know that shouldn’t she? So why couldn’t she seem to recall…
“Cheese.” Jowan said, breaking her chain of thought.
“What?”
“The cheese, from our goats? You said you wanted to take some with you for Alistair. That must be what you’re forgetting.” Jowan explained, bouncing Rosie on his hip. It was strange to see him out of Mage robes, but she must have seen it a million times by know. It had been years since Jowan had left the Circle to be with Lily after all.
“Oh. Yes, right.” That must be it. What had Alistair told her once 'an unholy love of fine cheeses’? For some reason the memory of Alistair felt clearer than anything else at the moment.
“I suppose you best be getting back to him then.” Jowan said, producing a wrapped package from somewhere, presumably the cheese they’d just been discussing. “It wouldn’t due to keep him waiting; perhaps next time you can bring him with you.”
She should, he’d like it here: it was peaceful.
–
“There you are.” Alastair said with a grin, pushing himself off the tree he’d been leaning against. "All done playing auntie?“
"For now.” She laughed; that had certainly been a fast trip. She felt as if she’d been gone from Johan’s house scarcely a moment. “I brought you something.” She said, pushing aside the strange thought.
“A present? For me?” Alistair lite up as he peeked inside the little package. “And it’s cheese! See this is why you’re my favorite.” She laughed as he pulled her into an affectionate half hug, planting a kiss on the top of her head. “Well,” he said as he stowed the gift away in his pack “we best be going: Duncan wanted us to get to Redcliffe as soon as we could.”
–
“This isn’t real.” She realized backing away from the creature wearing Alistair’s face. “I’m in the fade.”
“So? I offer you everything you could ever want: your friend happy and free, an Order unmarred by betrayal, the freedom to travel with the Warden you’re so fond of at your side. Isn’t this better?” The words were honey sweet, and dangerously tempting but hearing them from Alistair’s mouth only served to remind her how wrong this world was. Alistair hated blood magic, deals with demons, and he put his foot in his mouth as often as he didn’t.
Amira took a deep breath, pulling her staff from where it was stowed at her back, and settling into a fighting stance. 'This isn’t real’ she reminded herself, 'that isn’t Alistair.’ She took a deep breath. "No.”
Amira quikly followed Alistair out of the house, worrying at her lip. When Alistiar had asked her if they could make a side trip to visit his sister she’d been thrillled for him. Alistair had seemed so happy in his fade nightmare, surrounded by family, and it had killed her to have to take that away from him. If she could give him at least a small bit of that back, the detour would be well worth it; it wasn’t even much of a detour, they would alredy be in Denerim anyway.
She wondered now if it would have been kinder to deny him.
Alistair stopped abrubtly, and Amira nearly ran into him. He ran a shaking hand through his hair as he turned to look at her, but she wasn’t entirely sure he was even seeing her at the moment. “This is the family I’ve been wondering abour all my life? That shrew is my sister? I can’t believe it. I… I guess I was expecting her to accept me without question. Isn’t that what family is supposed to do? I… I feel like a complete idiot.”
If he was an idiot than so was she. It had never even occured to her that Goldana might reject him. Maybe that was naive of her, but it wasn’t as if she could boast much expereince with blood family either. She only had the haziest of memeories left of her mother, but what she did remember was warm, and loving, even in the darkness of the Alienage. Her mother had been so proud when she turned out to have magic.
“You don’t need her.” Amira told him fiercly, reaching out to lay a hand on his arm. If she couldn’t see how lucky she was to have a brother like Alistair, one who’d tried his absolute best to find her just to know her, then she was the fool, not Alistair. “You have other people who care for you.”
Alistair laughed mirthlessly, and it was hard not flinch from the sound. “Such as? The only person who ever cared about me was Duncan and he’s gone.” It killed her how sure he was of that, and suddenly she wanted to march back to Redcliff to give Lady Isolde a piece of her mind. She wanted to wake Arl Eamon up just to yell at him for letting Alistair grow up feeling so alone.
“I care about you.” There was an edge to her voice she didn’t expect, something desperate and raw that begged him to believe her because the look in Alistair’s eyes was breaking her heart. She wanted to tell him that he was the sweetest person she’d ever known, that he was the reason she’s been able to make it this far. She wanted to tell him he was brave and kind and somehow managed to make her laugh even as the world was falling apart around them. She wanted to storm back into that house and destory that woman for daring to be the latest in a long line of awful people who made Alistair feel like he wasn’t worthy of a family’s love. She wanted, she wanted– oh.
Oh.
She… might care more deeply than she’d realized. She migh have cared in a very specific manner in fact. Oh Maker this could be trouble.
“I…” Alistair seems almost as at a loss for words as she suddenly felt, and she prayed she hadn’t given herself away. Maker please, this was not the time to even be contemplating her newly realized romantic feelings, not when Alistair was this vunerable and out of sorts. Right now what he needed was her support and her friendship. With her hand still on his arm, Amira felt it as he finally seemed to relax a bit, some of the tension ebbing away. “Thank you.” he finally settled on, sounding a bit choked up, and Amira wondered if Alistair would be uncomfortable if she hugged him. He looked like he needed a good hug. “I’m glad you came with me.” Maker’s breath she’d almost forgotten that she’d nearly insisted he go alone. She’d been worried about intruding on a special family moment; the irony wasn’t lost on her.
“Let’s just go.” Alistair said before she could think of anything else to say. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” Amira merely nodded, and had to almost jog to keep up with is pace. She didn’t bother to tell him slow down this time; she wanted to be away from this place too, as fast as possible.
Amira smiled as Leliana joined her by the fire. She hadn’t known what to think of Leliana and her claims of visions from the Maker at first. Over the past few months though she’d come to truly value their friendship. "Alistair is quite fond of you, isn’t he?“ Leliana asked without prompting.
"And I’m quite fond of him.” Amira said, trying for nonchalant though she wasn’t sure if she succeeded. Her mind drifted to the rose she’d carefully preserved in lyrium, tucked away in her pack. Perhaps it was a silly waste of resources, but she couldn’t bring herself to regret it. ‘I thought maybe I could say something. Tell you what a rare and wonderful thing you are to find amidst all this… darkness.’ She scooted a little closer to the fire, wondering if she could blame her flush on the heat.
The sound of Leliana’s voice brought her back to the present. "I like Alistair…I don’t know if there’s anyone who doesn’t, but I…“ Amira blinked at her, wondering where she could be going with this. Leliana seemed strangely reluctant to be having this conversation despite having been the one to begin it. "I was wondering if there was something more between you two.”
“I…” This time she didn’t think she’d be able to even try blaming the flush on the fire. She considered for a minute denying it, but… she wasn’t an apprentice with her first crush, was she? And this was Leliana, her friend, there was no reason to pretend. “I think so.” She admitted softly, hopefully. He hadn’t said anything, not really, but the rose…the rose had to mean something, right? “I care for him.” She added, feeling incredibly shy and just a little bit thrilled to be admitting it to someone. Leliana was perhaps the only person she could imagine admitting this to, well, besides Alistair himself, if she could only work up the nerve.
“Oh. I…I see.” Leliana said, sounding oddly strained, and Amira resisted the urge to frown. She’d expected, well, more giggling? Excitement, or some teasing maybe? After their conversation about the Lover’s constellation, Amira thought that Leliana would enjoy this sort of 'girl talk.’ “Well, he’s a very nice boy, no?” She said, suddenly speaking much more quickly than she had before, more quickly than was normal for her. “If you… If you hadn’t made your move, perhaps I would have.”
Amira felt her eyes widen, and her stomach drop. “Really?” It was all she could manage to get out, mind racing. If Leliana had feelings for Alistair, well, the rest of this strange conversation suddenly made a great deal more sense. Amira tried to swallow down her distress. She couldn’t help the thought that Leliana was objectively better suited for Alistair than she was. They’d both spent time in the Chantry, and Leliana… Leliana was human; human and not a mage. Alistair might value her friendship, value their bond as Grey Wardens, but could he really care about an elf that way? Could he care for a mage when he’d nearly been a Templar? Never mind the both in one package.
“Maybe.” Leliana said, though she seemed confused by her own words even as they were coming out if her mouth. Amira barely noticed the disconnect, still caught up in the torrent of her personal crisis. “I– I don’t know.” Leliana gave a small sigh and shook her head. “I don’t know what I’m saying.”
Reaching forward to take her hands Leliana smiled at her, soft and a little sad. “I am happy for the both of you.” She said, giving her hands a small squeeze. “Especially for him.” Leliana held her gaze and Amira had the fleeting feeling that she was missing something, though she couldn’t figure out what it was. “He couldn’t have found a better companion.” Leliana gave Amira’s hands one final squeeze before murmuring “please excuse me” and walking off towards the edge of camp.
–
“Maker I’m such a fool.” Leliana groaned to herself, as far from the center of camp as she dared get at this time of night; close enough that the campfire was still in sight, but far enough to give herself the illusion of privacy. No matter how much she wanted a moment alone it wouldn’t do to get attacked.
She’d thought… Well clearly whatever she’d thought she’d been mistaken. “If it makes you feel better” Zeveran broke in, leaning nonchalantly against a tree and startling her enough that she was halfway to her daggers before she registered who it was “she has absolutely no idea you meant making a move on her.” Zeveran paused thoughtfully, pushing himself off the tree he’d been leaning against. “Though, I’m afraid she might now fear you swooping in and wooing Alistair away.”
“I would never–” Leliana protested hotly, not even surprised that Zeveran had been eavesdropping on their conversation. That was the nature of an assassin, no? To live unseen in the shadows, seeing more than they ought, hearing more. It was just her luck they’d picked up a mouthy one.
“No, no, of course not.” He waved off. “If anyone need fear your swooping it would be Alistair.”
Perhaps once she might have considered trying to seduce Amira away, but, no, she had no intention of trying. Somehow she doubted Alistair would have had anything to fear from her even if she’d tried. An image of the shy, besotted smile Amira had worn when she spoke of Alistair, and her tentative hopes drifted to mind. She didn’t think Amira even knew she’d been wearing such an expression. Leliana shook her head. It had never even been a competition had it? No, no matter how sweet the smiles Amira had given her had been, how thoughtful her gestures, Amira had never looked at Leliana with anything like that.
“I’m happy for them.” Leliana told Zeveran honestly. No matter what feelings she had harbored she could not bring herself to begrudge her friends their happiness. They were both far too kind for that Leliana thought, smiling sadly as she watched Alistair move to join Amira by the fire, both sneaking shy glances when the other wasn’t looking. Leliana sighed, wondering if her intentions had been as transparent to anyone else as they’d apparently been to Zeveran. She feared it might only be Alistair and Amira who’d been unaware of her feelings. She wasn’t sure if that was a kindness or not. Whatever it was Leliana was determined not to let any of this ruin a perfectly wonderful friendship.
“Hmmm.” Zeveran added noncommittally. “You know, I have a bottle of Antivan wine in my tent if you’re interested” offered, for once managing not to flirt.
"Maker, yes.” She could be mature about this tomorrow, tonight she was going to get smashed and perhapes cry on an assassin’s shoulder.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
A fade dream
Date: 2016-01-26 11:10 pm (UTC)“Alright Rosie Posie,” Jowan laughed, plucking the giggling child from her arms, gently untangling grasping fingers with practiced ease “time to give Auntie her ears back. She needs those.” Jowan smiled, kissing his daughter on her forehead before settling her on his hip. “Thanks for making it out here ‘Mira. I know how busy the Wardens keep you. It means a lot that you make the time.”
“Well how else am I supposed to properly spoil my goddaughter?” Amira said with a grin, absentmindedly fixing the section of hair Rosie had been pulling at. There was an easy peace to Jowan here that he had never had in the Circle, and it made Amira happier than she could express to see. The feeling that she was forgetting something niggled at the back of her mind though, and she rubbed her forehead as if to dismiss a headache.
“Something wrong?” Jowan asked in concern.
“Just..feeling off?” She said slowly, wrinkling her nose. “As if I’m forgetting something… Something to do with the Wardens? Maybe?” She felt strange. She hoped she wasn’t coming down with something; she’d hate to pass it on to Rosie. Children were so susceptible to illness at that age… How old was Rosie exactly? She should know that shouldn’t she? So why couldn’t she seem to recall…
“Cheese.” Jowan said, breaking her chain of thought.
“What?”
“The cheese, from our goats? You said you wanted to take some with you for Alistair. That must be what you’re forgetting.” Jowan explained, bouncing Rosie on his hip. It was strange to see him out of Mage robes, but she must have seen it a million times by know. It had been years since Jowan had left the Circle to be with Lily after all.
“Oh. Yes, right.” That must be it. What had Alistair told her once 'an unholy love of fine cheeses’? For some reason the memory of Alistair felt clearer than anything else at the moment.
“I suppose you best be getting back to him then.” Jowan said, producing a wrapped package from somewhere, presumably the cheese they’d just been discussing. “It wouldn’t due to keep him waiting; perhaps next time you can bring him with you.”
She should, he’d like it here: it was peaceful.
–
“There you are.” Alastair said with a grin, pushing himself off the tree he’d been leaning against. "All done playing auntie?“
"For now.” She laughed; that had certainly been a fast trip. She felt as if she’d been gone from Johan’s house scarcely a moment. “I brought you something.” She said, pushing aside the strange thought.
“A present? For me?” Alistair lite up as he peeked inside the little package. “And it’s cheese! See this is why you’re my favorite.” She laughed as he pulled her into an affectionate half hug, planting a kiss on the top of her head. “Well,” he said as he stowed the gift away in his pack “we best be going: Duncan wanted us to get to Redcliffe as soon as we could.”
–
“This isn’t real.” She realized backing away from the creature wearing Alistair’s face. “I’m in the fade.”
“So? I offer you everything you could ever want: your friend happy and free, an Order unmarred by betrayal, the freedom to travel with the Warden you’re so fond of at your side. Isn’t this better?” The words were honey sweet, and dangerously tempting but hearing them from Alistair’s mouth only served to remind her how wrong this world was. Alistair hated blood magic, deals with demons, and he put his foot in his mouth as often as he didn’t.
Amira took a deep breath, pulling her staff from where it was stowed at her back, and settling into a fighting stance. 'This isn’t real’ she reminded herself, 'that isn’t Alistair.’ She took a deep breath. "No.”
Poorly timed personal revelations
Date: 2016-01-26 11:14 pm (UTC)She wondered now if it would have been kinder to deny him.
Alistair stopped abrubtly, and Amira nearly ran into him. He ran a shaking hand through his hair as he turned to look at her, but she wasn’t entirely sure he was even seeing her at the moment. “This is the family I’ve been wondering abour all my life? That shrew is my sister? I can’t believe it. I… I guess I was expecting her to accept me without question. Isn’t that what family is supposed to do? I… I feel like a complete idiot.”
If he was an idiot than so was she. It had never even occured to her that Goldana might reject him. Maybe that was naive of her, but it wasn’t as if she could boast much expereince with blood family either. She only had the haziest of memeories left of her mother, but what she did remember was warm, and loving, even in the darkness of the Alienage. Her mother had been so proud when she turned out to have magic.
“You don’t need her.” Amira told him fiercly, reaching out to lay a hand on his arm. If she couldn’t see how lucky she was to have a brother like Alistair, one who’d tried his absolute best to find her just to know her, then she was the fool, not Alistair. “You have other people who care for you.”
Alistair laughed mirthlessly, and it was hard not flinch from the sound. “Such as? The only person who ever cared about me was Duncan and he’s gone.” It killed her how sure he was of that, and suddenly she wanted to march back to Redcliff to give Lady Isolde a piece of her mind. She wanted to wake Arl Eamon up just to yell at him for letting Alistair grow up feeling so alone.
“I care about you.” There was an edge to her voice she didn’t expect, something desperate and raw that begged him to believe her because the look in Alistair’s eyes was breaking her heart. She wanted to tell him that he was the sweetest person she’d ever known, that he was the reason she’s been able to make it this far. She wanted to tell him he was brave and kind and somehow managed to make her laugh even as the world was falling apart around them. She wanted to storm back into that house and destory that woman for daring to be the latest in a long line of awful people who made Alistair feel like he wasn’t worthy of a family’s love. She wanted, she wanted– oh.
Oh.
She… might care more deeply than she’d realized. She migh have cared in a very specific manner in fact. Oh Maker this could be trouble.
“I…” Alistair seems almost as at a loss for words as she suddenly felt, and she prayed she hadn’t given herself away. Maker please, this was not the time to even be contemplating her newly realized romantic feelings, not when Alistair was this vunerable and out of sorts. Right now what he needed was her support and her friendship. With her hand still on his arm, Amira felt it as he finally seemed to relax a bit, some of the tension ebbing away. “Thank you.” he finally settled on, sounding a bit choked up, and Amira wondered if Alistair would be uncomfortable if she hugged him. He looked like he needed a good hug. “I’m glad you came with me.” Maker’s breath she’d almost forgotten that she’d nearly insisted he go alone. She’d been worried about intruding on a special family moment; the irony wasn’t lost on her.
“Let’s just go.” Alistair said before she could think of anything else to say. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” Amira merely nodded, and had to almost jog to keep up with is pace. She didn’t bother to tell him slow down this time; she wanted to be away from this place too, as fast as possible.
Quite the little heartbreaker
Date: 2016-01-26 11:19 pm (UTC)"And I’m quite fond of him.” Amira said, trying for nonchalant though she wasn’t sure if she succeeded. Her mind drifted to the rose she’d carefully preserved in lyrium, tucked away in her pack. Perhaps it was a silly waste of resources, but she couldn’t bring herself to regret it. ‘I thought maybe I could say something. Tell you what a rare and wonderful thing you are to find amidst all this… darkness.’ She scooted a little closer to the fire, wondering if she could blame her flush on the heat.
The sound of Leliana’s voice brought her back to the present. "I like Alistair…I don’t know if there’s anyone who doesn’t, but I…“ Amira blinked at her, wondering where she could be going with this. Leliana seemed strangely reluctant to be having this conversation despite having been the one to begin it. "I was wondering if there was something more between you two.”
“I…” This time she didn’t think she’d be able to even try blaming the flush on the fire. She considered for a minute denying it, but… she wasn’t an apprentice with her first crush, was she? And this was Leliana, her friend, there was no reason to pretend. “I think so.” She admitted softly, hopefully. He hadn’t said anything, not really, but the rose…the rose had to mean something, right? “I care for him.” She added, feeling incredibly shy and just a little bit thrilled to be admitting it to someone. Leliana was perhaps the only person she could imagine admitting this to, well, besides Alistair himself, if she could only work up the nerve.
“Oh. I…I see.” Leliana said, sounding oddly strained, and Amira resisted the urge to frown. She’d expected, well, more giggling? Excitement, or some teasing maybe? After their conversation about the Lover’s constellation, Amira thought that Leliana would enjoy this sort of 'girl talk.’ “Well, he’s a very nice boy, no?” She said, suddenly speaking much more quickly than she had before, more quickly than was normal for her. “If you… If you hadn’t made your move, perhaps I would have.”
Amira felt her eyes widen, and her stomach drop. “Really?” It was all she could manage to get out, mind racing. If Leliana had feelings for Alistair, well, the rest of this strange conversation suddenly made a great deal more sense. Amira tried to swallow down her distress. She couldn’t help the thought that Leliana was objectively better suited for Alistair than she was. They’d both spent time in the Chantry, and Leliana… Leliana was human; human and not a mage. Alistair might value her friendship, value their bond as Grey Wardens, but could he really care about an elf that way? Could he care for a mage when he’d nearly been a Templar? Never mind the both in one package.
“Maybe.” Leliana said, though she seemed confused by her own words even as they were coming out if her mouth. Amira barely noticed the disconnect, still caught up in the torrent of her personal crisis. “I– I don’t know.” Leliana gave a small sigh and shook her head. “I don’t know what I’m saying.”
Reaching forward to take her hands Leliana smiled at her, soft and a little sad. “I am happy for the both of you.” She said, giving her hands a small squeeze. “Especially for him.” Leliana held her gaze and Amira had the fleeting feeling that she was missing something, though she couldn’t figure out what it was. “He couldn’t have found a better companion.” Leliana gave Amira’s hands one final squeeze before murmuring “please excuse me” and walking off towards the edge of camp.
–
“Maker I’m such a fool.” Leliana groaned to herself, as far from the center of camp as she dared get at this time of night; close enough that the campfire was still in sight, but far enough to give herself the illusion of privacy. No matter how much she wanted a moment alone it wouldn’t do to get attacked.
She’d thought… Well clearly whatever she’d thought she’d been mistaken. “If it makes you feel better” Zeveran broke in, leaning nonchalantly against a tree and startling her enough that she was halfway to her daggers before she registered who it was “she has absolutely no idea you meant making a move on her.” Zeveran paused thoughtfully, pushing himself off the tree he’d been leaning against. “Though, I’m afraid she might now fear you swooping in and wooing Alistair away.”
“I would never–” Leliana protested hotly, not even surprised that Zeveran had been eavesdropping on their conversation. That was the nature of an assassin, no? To live unseen in the shadows, seeing more than they ought, hearing more. It was just her luck they’d picked up a mouthy one.
“No, no, of course not.” He waved off. “If anyone need fear your swooping it would be Alistair.”
Perhaps once she might have considered trying to seduce Amira away, but, no, she had no intention of trying. Somehow she doubted Alistair would have had anything to fear from her even if she’d tried. An image of the shy, besotted smile Amira had worn when she spoke of Alistair, and her tentative hopes drifted to mind. She didn’t think Amira even knew she’d been wearing such an expression. Leliana shook her head. It had never even been a competition had it? No, no matter how sweet the smiles Amira had given her had been, how thoughtful her gestures, Amira had never looked at Leliana with anything like that.
“I’m happy for them.” Leliana told Zeveran honestly. No matter what feelings she had harbored she could not bring herself to begrudge her friends their happiness. They were both far too kind for that Leliana thought, smiling sadly as she watched Alistair move to join Amira by the fire, both sneaking shy glances when the other wasn’t looking. Leliana sighed, wondering if her intentions had been as transparent to anyone else as they’d apparently been to Zeveran. She feared it might only be Alistair and Amira who’d been unaware of her feelings. She wasn’t sure if that was a kindness or not. Whatever it was Leliana was determined not to let any of this ruin a perfectly wonderful friendship.
“Hmmm.” Zeveran added noncommittally. “You know, I have a bottle of Antivan wine in my tent if you’re interested” offered, for once managing not to flirt.
"Maker, yes.” She could be mature about this tomorrow, tonight she was going to get smashed and perhapes cry on an assassin’s shoulder.